Home is where your heart is…

It’s day 20 in Germany. I arrived on Saturday 28^th late in Hannover, after 2 days of crazy driving, too much coffee, a terribly sore back and 2850km. The day after I still felt physically terrible, it was worse than the journey back from Australia. I couldn’t think, was dissy and veeeeery tired. Meanwhile I got used to training here in flat Hannover, the first 4h ride I went like proven on my travels with my very own navigation system:

Swimming is nice in the stadium pool, just a bit challenging not to hit the granny’s and granddads who are mostly going in pairs, chatting during their breast stroke vertical position style J

Just 5min from where my brother lives is a lake with a nice 5,8k track around, so running is going well too.

You have a lot of time to think when you are out there on your bike or feet and I have many things to think about. But there is one major thought in my head and heart, hanging there like a smog cloud over a busy city: What am I doing here? And: was it the right decision I made?

When it comes to decision making we base them on certain reasons. There are reasons that come from your head and the others that come from your heart. My decision was based on both head and heart. It seemed all very clear. After 6 years in Spain it was time to move back to Germany, where my family is. Job situation is better here and some private reasons played a role as well.

Normally you feel bad until you’ve taken an important decision; once it’s taken you’re fine with it and can work towards the next station. I did that. My travel to Australia was part of the decision, a little break for my soul before I start over again. When I came back to Spain it felt strange, because it was like home, but no home there anymore. Even though I had beautiful 2,5 weeks and I loved every single moment of it. I enjoyed to ride on my beloved roads with or without my friends, loved to get up at 6 and jump in the water at 6.30am for the swim session with posterior breakky, loved to drive around well known places…

after swim breakfast

                                     

And then the moment came that I had to say goodbye to my friends and to the places that had become so familiar during the last years. When I left Marbella with my car I cried many tears, they came back every now and then during the 2 days and I felt like I was cheating on my Spain.

The first days here in Germany have been quite nice concerning weather issues, but lately it sucks. I just finished the last tough training week, yesterday 6h of riding with grey sky, massive clouds, rain, and heavy blasts. But yesterday it wasn’t freezing. Today 2h15min run with rain, 14º and heavy wind. I think if this isn’t preparing me mentally for the Ironman, I really don’t know what can prepare me.

bike ride panorama

yes, we did ride the same day, the sunny girl and the rainy brother in terms of clothes ;)

fast but dirty rain running shoes

I’m getting to know this city, its surroundings, the bike and run tracks… but I always ask myself: is this my home? At the moment, home is maybe a bit difficult to define, in terms of job and daily routine. But I’m thinking a lot about this phrase: home is where your heart is. Right now my heart hasn’t arrived yet. On one hand you have your family; they are always there, no matter what. And then there is the family you pick, the people who live your every days routine with you, who make you free time something special, these guys you spend a lot of time with, share good and bad moments, who call you, who ask you how you’re feeling. You don’t find them too easily; it takes time to create this amazing thing called friendship.

I’m just becoming aware of what I had. Unfortunately you have to lose something to get to know what you had. When home is where your heart is and mine is in two different places, do I have a broken heart? How long does it take to heal? Do I want it to heal? Or just go back to where I think my heart is and see what happens?

I’d never thought that I would say that: I miss the sun. 20C of temperature difference today.

2 weeks to go for IM Austria. I start to see the race, to see myself in the race. I’ll just store my heart in triathlon until the race to make myself feel home. After the Ironman I’ll take my time for research. Meanwhile there’s always internet to keep in touch.