Same same but different

I’m back in Spain after more than 2,5 months traveling thru Australia and some days in England. It was a new sensation coming “home”, as I have decided that this here is not my home anymore. There was no welcome committee, no one had asked my arrival time… that’s the thing, if you decide to move on with your life, everyone else does too and that’s good! I know my friends’ life’s here as it used to be mine as well, so I knew what they’ve been doing.

Well, I’m lucky to report that my bike arrived in one piece, 13 flights and no damage; I think that’s worth it to mention!

One of my working colleges and friends picked me up from the bus station and gave me a lift to another friend’s house and on Sunday I hit the well known highways with my bike, riding with 2 friends after a long time. And now I can say: I got faster. We rode for 4h on my flat favorite course and I felt great, despite the last 10min effort where I was pretty tired yet. A 30min brick run and a refreshing leg icing in the Mediterranean Sea afterwards. Damn, what a difference to the Pacific Ocean! But hey, the Pacific doesn’t provide the icy part ;)

That was the Sunday, on Monday I went back on the road with my bike, 4,5h this time on my own. A kind of rolling hills course which got me to a place where I’ve been only once before and which reminded me of some important things:

2010. My first year training with a coach, Jaime. After 3 IM distance races I had decided to change something, because you can’t expect better results using the same recipes. The first weeks went well, until I got tired and started to struggle. And I made so many mistakes. I started to question myself and the training, I was tired and unmotivated and every time I couldn’t ride or run the paces I was meant to, I was overwhelmed. Too many days I looked at my plan in the morning and I knew already that I wouldn’t be able to do what was written there. And so it was; the famous self fulfilling prophecy. And the worst mistake: I didn’t talk with my coach. He had no idea about what was going on in my head and heart; he just saw the training resumes which weren’t very amazing. I expected him to tell me something, without acting by myself. I think I wasn’t prepared badly last year, but the result of the doubts and the hesitating was a mental break down in the race where I walked the last 10k. But I finished, crying on the finish line like so many times before in my training and happy that it was over. That the season was over.

One of these struggling weekends my friend Tarne was visiting Marbella, she brought her bike to train and I perfectly remember the Saturday: I was supposed to swim and run and she wanted to ride. I felt terrible. I wanted to ride with her, my plan said a different thing and again I thought I was doing bad if I went riding. At the end we went riding together, talking during 4h or more about riding, training and the life. She gave me some motivation back this day because I noticed that I was not riding too badly. I had to forget to think about what I was doing, or better what I was or wasn’t able to do. The point where we turned was the same point where I found myself this Monday.

On Monday stopped up there, remembering this day last year and all the tears I’d cried. And I was feeling so happy this time. It was a beautiful day and standing at this same point I became aware of the changes I’ve made. Not in the way that everything was bad last year and is perfect now. It was just the same place, the same bike, the same weather and the same person, but so different.

beautyful Cadiz

The big change I was remembered of this moment was my training, the results of it and the communication with my coach. I guess I had to learn to be trained. I had to learn to trust him and myself. I had to learn to verbalize my doubts and questions and to accept the answers. I had to learn to enter the pain box and to enjoy it. And I did.

It’s like with other things I wrote about in this blog: at the moment you start trying and just let life happen, it works. And it's about thinking what you're able to do, not what you're not able to do, the question if the glass is half full or half empty. Mine is half full ;)

 As Jaime said to me one day: you need to trust yourself, you can do it. Thank you coach!